Insomniac's blog

So I have been thinking a lot lately about one of my friends. My friend is going to be married soon and I have this horrendous feeling in the pit of my stomach that friend is making a mistake. Not a horrible mistake, but one of those slow, cancerous types of mistakes that quietly eats away at a person's life. Friend is happy with the upcoming spouse and they have been together for some time, yet I can't help but think friend is making a mistake. Why do I think so? Because friend's soon to be spouse is completely opposite from friend. I'm not saying that opposites can't have a good marriage, but marrying someone who is very different on many levels than you are can be very troublesome and can ensue much heartache. But, friend hasn't come out and asked me for my advice so I shall keep my big mouth shut and smile politely when talk of the upcoming marriage comes up.

I guess part of my apprehension for my friend is because I know how hard it is to maintain a marriage with someone who is so different from yourself. I'm not talking surface differences here. I'm talking differences in goals in life, differences in personalities, temperments, ambitions, drive, and desires. I'm talking about being disappointed that the person whom you have pledged your life, love and fidelity to doesn't understand you at your basic level. I'm talking about trying to explain who you are to the one person who should naturally know you inside and out on a day to day basis. Yep, you guessed it...I'm afraid my friend will be caught in a marriage like my own. A marriage where every day I wake up and choose to compromise with my spouse until I feel like I have compromised away my entire being and all of my hopes and desires for life are somehow flattened and not quite so shiny anymore. I know I am speaking metaphorically and in vague terms, but I can't seem to say what I want because I am afraid. That is quite the big admission on my behalf because there really isn't too much that strikes real fear into me. You see, my friend has become one of my closest friends that I have ever had and I fear losing that friend if I say what I am feeling about the upcoming nuptials. I shouldn't fear losing a friend over honesty but I do. I am determined to keep my mouth shut and allow for things to happen. I will be a friend and be there if the floor drops out later on and help my friend to mend the broken pieces. I just hope that won't happen and that I am wrong about this gnawing feeling that has been eating away at me about my friend's marriage.

I know, I am a little morose tonight. That's what happens when you care about someone and cannot tell them what you really want to tell them.

Holy Shi-biscuits. I don't even know where to begin this posting. I beg your forgiveness for the randomness and disconnection of this posting, but I am angry. On Tuesday FOM and I went to tour that museum in my hometown. No big deal right? Well, we got there at about 7pm to meet up with the man who runs the museum and take our tour. I left my purse and cell phone in the van since I figured I wouldn't need it. Anyhow, FOM and I went on the tour, chit-chatted with a few people, walked about the museum and chit-chatted some more. We didn't leave there until about 9:30 or so. After that, FOM and I went and had a cup of coffee and shared a cookie. Mind you now, I didn't bother with my cell phone and I had noticed that Darling called but I figured I would call him back later. He knew I had a museum tour and that they take awhile. Plus, Darling has some control issues when it comes to me. He likes to know where I am, who I am with, what I'm doing and what time I will be home. Sometimes I get sooooo pissed about that. I mean, come on! I'm 31 years old...I don't need a babysitter. I am fairly intelligent and I was on familiar ground. Anyhow, so I didn't answer my phone and FOM and I sat at the coffee shop and talked. Now when FOM and I get to talking we tend to really talk. By that I mean, we have long extracted conversations and we tend to lose track of time. Anyhow, I departed from FOM's company at a little after 11pm. I flipped open my phone and there was a whopping 42 phone calls!!!!!!!!! What...the...fuck!?

So, of course I called Darling right away to see why in the world I would get 42 phone calls in the space of a little over 4 hours. There was no emergency or anything. He wanted to know when I would be home. Myah was in charge and she was having a hard time with Princess so Myah called my mom to come over. My mom freaked out when I didn't answer the cell phone and assumed that either my blood sugar had gone low and I was in a ditch somewhere or that FOM and I were having some sort of wild sex. Sheesh. So, mom called my brother who called me on my cell. Wonderful brother (who is the ultimate example of a fuck up himself) proceeded to chew on me about being responsible and what-not. Mind you, Wonderful Brother has three kids whom he doesn't take care of, has been accused in three other paternity cases, and started living with a woman who was then married with two kids of her own. Now, isn't Wonderful Brother the perfect one to give me a lecture on responsibilities? Holy poop.

So anyhow, by the time I got home I was classically pissed off. Like red in the face and tempted to start hollering at people pissed. And of course my mom was like, "Well Nita, when you are gone for more than an hour you really need to call and check in. We thought you were hurt or doing something". Which of course my answer was, "I am a grown woman. I should be able to leave the house without having to alert you, Brother, dad, Darling, and everyone else. And, if I was doing something, there would be no way in hell you could stop me".

Anyhow, it has pretty much blown over now but it still makes me angry. Is it too much to ask for a few hours on my own without the umbilical cords still attached? Is it too much for a married woman to have a friend of the opposite sex without people thinking they are doing something? I mean, when does a cookie and cup of coffee translate into some wild sex? I wish it was that easy. And, just for the record, I probably should have called in to see if all was well but time got away from me and FOM and I were having such a good time together. But, just because I was gone for a few hours doesn't mean that I should be treated like some wayward sixteen year old who was out whore-ing around.

Well, well, well. Michigan finally decided to break into spring...or I should say summer since it is HOT and horribly humid. Normally Michigan takes its time warming up, but in the last week we have shot from 40-50 degree weather up to a whopping 90 degrees today. And the humidity is horrendous. Darling and I finally caved about fifteen minutes ago and turned on the central air conditioning unit for the house. We really don't like to run it too much since it makes the electric bill go way up, but there is no way my three kids, especially the little ones, are going to get any decent sleep while they are sweating away in their rooms. The nice thing about the heat is that we finally get to show off our pearly-white legs. Yep...May in Michigan is time for the albinos to come out from hiding. I got a little pinked on my arms, shoulders, and face today but I needed it so it is okay.

Today Darling and I took the progeny to Sandy Pines. Sandy Pines is a huge resort community located about 20 miles from our house. Darling's dad has a place out there and the kids like to hang out with Grampa and the rest of the assorted clan in the summers. Since it is Memorial Day weekend, Darling's two brothers and their families came out to Sandy Pines too. We had a nice cookout and took all the kids down to one of the play parks to swing on the swingset and play on the jungle gyms. My two sisters-in-law and I got to take a long ride on the golf cart (which is the main type of transportation in Sandy Pines) and swapped stories about our husbands. In so many ways Darling and his two brothers are so similiar. They all look alike. They all talk and gesture in the same ways. And, they all have similiar attitudes. Strange. I have four older brothers and we all do share some traits, but not like Darling and his brothers. It is almost like cookie-cutter siblings. Oh well.

Not too much else in the works. FOM and I are supposed to go to tour a local museum on Tuesday. I'm sure we'll have a great time since we almost always do when we are together. Oh, and sometime this week I have to go mini-van shopping with my mom. Since she totaled out her car, she has to find a replacement. My dad wants a mini-van and my mom thinks it is a good idea since she carts the grandkids around so much. Maybe I can see if they would like to buy my mini-van. I would love to get rid of the MomVan. Ughhhhhh. Convenient as it is, it isn't very economical on gas. And, since gas prices won't be going down anytime ever, I think it is time for something smaller and more economical. Plus, then I won't have the Mom label attached to me every time I leave the house. Hmmm, perhaps Mom buying my van would be a good thing?

And, since G made a comment about no pictures on my blog, I'm thinking about adding some. Of course that would mean that I would have to learn how to scan the damn things and then manage to figure out how to post them on this here blog...techno-peasantry again. Perhaps I will post a few pictures soon. 'Course then everyone would see me and I kinda like the anonymity. It is sorta like radio DJs. When people see them in real life they are often disappointed because the picture they have in their head doesn't match up with the actual. Of course, most of my three readers do know what I look like (Jon, Dr. Rob, Amazing Raye...maybe I have four readers now?). Anyhow, something to ponder and if I can cast off the techno-peasantry then perhaps I will attempt to post a picture or two.