Insomniac's blog

Okay, for those out there who do not realize that I was a teenage mom, here goes. My oldest daughter was born when I was 17. She's almost 14 now, so I'll let you do the math on that. Anyhow, Myah (my daughter) started high school on Tuesday this week. At first I wasn't overly concerned. I mean, I was concerned but she is a good kid with a decent head on her shoulders, so I figured that high school wouldn't be too brutal to her. Well, I was feeling a bit more concerned tonight. Nothing major happened, except that Myah went to her first high school football game unchaperoned by me or her dad. Not only that, but after the game she went to the post-game dance at her school. Yikes! I went to fetch her at 11:30 pm and found the parking lot and gym where the dance was completely packed with high schoolers. These people reminded me of my high school days and then I thought about all the shit I got into---the parties, the guys, the drinking, the smoking, well...you get the picture. Now Myah is much better behaved than I was and I like to think I have a better understanding of that time in life than my mom had, but for a moment there I was worried about her. Did I teach her the right things? Did I instill enough morals and personal worth in her so she doesn't make stupid mistakes? Does she know what to do if she is harrassed by some guy? In short, have I been a good mom, good enough to know that my child is safe on her own? I know, perhaps I am being a bit overly dramatic, but I sure hope she turns out to be a lot smarter than I was. To her credit, she did have a good time and she was more than willing to spend the car ride home telling me all about the dance and the few guys she danced with (just fast-dancing, no slow, clingy dancing). That made me feel a bit better because as long as she is willing to tell me things like that, and as long as I don't freak out over the little things, then she should be able to enter adulthood in a normal and healthy fashion.

On a totally and completely unrelated note...and since this is the confessions of a teenage momma queen...lately I have been increasingly aware of a semi-bizarro crush on a certain guy that I have been nursing like a poor man's gin and tonic. No, I will not give any pertinent details since people out there in the internets know me to a certain extent and I don't want anyone trying to line up who I am envisioning. Anyhow, since I am 31 it is totally and completely inappropriate of me to be interested in anyone, minus my husband, but this one guy just seems to do it for me. He is just...mmmmm...yeah, like that. So, any suggestions out there on how to purge myself of an inappropriate crush? Gawd, I am way too old for this shit...

So, today is my anniversary. Twelve years to the same man! Whew, I need a cigarette! It hasn't been all roses and sunshine but it hasn't been all that horrible either. So, what did we do for the anniversary? Since neither of us are mushy flowers and chocolates types, we spent yesterday doing something I have wanted to do all summer. Yep, we toured Michigan State University. That's where I want to go to Graduate school. And, since MSU's classes start on Monday the place was absolutely swamped with students! I knew that MSU was huge, but with the thousands upon thousands of students there it seemed so much larger. Darling and I had a nice lunch and wandered about East Lansing a bit. We walked around the campus and found the building where the history department is and the university's museum and other interesting buildings. Then we got some coffee, sat down, and talked. I was a little apprehensive (read scared shitless) about the size of the place and about the approaching possibility of actually being a grad student there next fall. I asked Darling if he could see me as a grad student at MSU and the wonderful man said, "Yeah. You could do it. I could even see you teaching here". And people wonder why I keep him around? Seriously though, I really needed to hear that and I felt much more confident after that. Anyhow, after we wandered a bit more, I started feeling more comfortable. I actually think I could do this. I could go to grad school and make it. I will make it.

On a completely different track, I got mightily pissed today. I've been working on a collaborative group project for the last year and we finally are almost done. It is a documentary and I was told by those in charge of it that I would be named in the credits as a research assistant/historical advisor. Well, I got a listing of the credits today (before they go on the actual film reel) and guess what? No listing for the Nita. Oh yeah. I was beyond that mad. I called the guy in charge of it and had a few things to say. He apologized and said he forgot (yeah, riiiiggghhhtt) and said he would make sure I was added in the credits. It isn't a big deal about credits, after all, who watches the credits? But, I have worked hard and it pisses me off that I was ignored for my part of it. Other people who worked on the project were given due credit but me. Perhaps I am being whiny about it, but I am not the type to snub those who have helped me and I don't like being snubbed myself. We'll see what happens with it all. I can be quite a bitch about things when needs be.

Anyhow, that's about it. I'm still working on my summer research paper. I have three pages out of forty written and it is due on Friday! Yikes! I better get back to work...

Why, oh why do people want to know about someone's life just so they can shoot them down? Today I was at the ole GVSU working on compiling my notes for my summer research project so I can write a halfway intelligent paper on it all. Anyhow, I happened to run across Professor Bizarro. No, I haven't posted about Professor Bizarro before. This guy is absolutely the strangest person I have ever met...both in appearance and demeanor. Anyhows, Professor Bizarro stopped me in the hallway and asked me when I was graduating. I told Professor Bizarro that I am graduating in December of this year. He then asked what my plans were for after graduation. I told him that I am planning on pursuing graduate school for history and I am applying at MSU and Western Michigan University. He proceeded to then go on a rant about how I won't be able to make it through grad school and that even if I did, no place would hire me because I went to a bad school. He was generous enough to say that I might be able to maybe, just maybe get a job teaching in a community college, but that would be about it. Mind you, I have never had Professor Bizarro as a professor for any of the classes I've taken, I've never worked with him on any committees, projects, or anything else. Never mind all of that though, because Professor Bizarro knows ALLLLLLLLLL. Welcome to PhD attitude.

Combine Professor Bizarro's unprofessional and rude behavior with what I heard about the academic profession from Professor New Guy yesterday and I have determined that almost all PhDs are just whiny, baby-ass, martyrs without an audience. Why, oh why, do most people who have the intellectual ability to accomplish great things end up being some of the most anti-social, disgusting, and pitiful human beings who roam this Earth? Why can't they just realize how fortunate they are? I mean, I have lived my entire life around people in much more desperate situations than these whiny PhDs and yet those people still manage to find some joy and pleasure in life. ARGHHHHHH!!!!

So, since I have mounted the Soapbox for my inaugural back-to-school rant, I want to say to all PhDs out there...QUIT YOUR COMPLAINING AND LEARN HOW TO BE A REAL PERSON! DO NOT ASK ME WHAT I AM GOING TO DO IF YOU JUST WANT TO STOMP ON ME!

And, since I am the bitch tonight, I will tell y'all what I am going to do...I am going to prove all these fucks wrong. Yep, I am going to go to grad school and get that PhD and not be like them and land a fantabulous position at Some Important University and do great work and publish amazing things and when people ask me about my experience at GVSU with certain faculty in the history department, I'll just say that martyrdom breeds contempt and contempt breeds misery and no one should be subject to a contemptuous, miserable martyr.

Thank God in glorious Heaven that I am almost done with GVSU!