Insomniac's blog

So, today is my anniversary. Twelve years to the same man! Whew, I need a cigarette! It hasn't been all roses and sunshine but it hasn't been all that horrible either. So, what did we do for the anniversary? Since neither of us are mushy flowers and chocolates types, we spent yesterday doing something I have wanted to do all summer. Yep, we toured Michigan State University. That's where I want to go to Graduate school. And, since MSU's classes start on Monday the place was absolutely swamped with students! I knew that MSU was huge, but with the thousands upon thousands of students there it seemed so much larger. Darling and I had a nice lunch and wandered about East Lansing a bit. We walked around the campus and found the building where the history department is and the university's museum and other interesting buildings. Then we got some coffee, sat down, and talked. I was a little apprehensive (read scared shitless) about the size of the place and about the approaching possibility of actually being a grad student there next fall. I asked Darling if he could see me as a grad student at MSU and the wonderful man said, "Yeah. You could do it. I could even see you teaching here". And people wonder why I keep him around? Seriously though, I really needed to hear that and I felt much more confident after that. Anyhow, after we wandered a bit more, I started feeling more comfortable. I actually think I could do this. I could go to grad school and make it. I will make it.

On a completely different track, I got mightily pissed today. I've been working on a collaborative group project for the last year and we finally are almost done. It is a documentary and I was told by those in charge of it that I would be named in the credits as a research assistant/historical advisor. Well, I got a listing of the credits today (before they go on the actual film reel) and guess what? No listing for the Nita. Oh yeah. I was beyond that mad. I called the guy in charge of it and had a few things to say. He apologized and said he forgot (yeah, riiiiggghhhtt) and said he would make sure I was added in the credits. It isn't a big deal about credits, after all, who watches the credits? But, I have worked hard and it pisses me off that I was ignored for my part of it. Other people who worked on the project were given due credit but me. Perhaps I am being whiny about it, but I am not the type to snub those who have helped me and I don't like being snubbed myself. We'll see what happens with it all. I can be quite a bitch about things when needs be.

Anyhow, that's about it. I'm still working on my summer research paper. I have three pages out of forty written and it is due on Friday! Yikes! I better get back to work...

Why, oh why do people want to know about someone's life just so they can shoot them down? Today I was at the ole GVSU working on compiling my notes for my summer research project so I can write a halfway intelligent paper on it all. Anyhow, I happened to run across Professor Bizarro. No, I haven't posted about Professor Bizarro before. This guy is absolutely the strangest person I have ever met...both in appearance and demeanor. Anyhows, Professor Bizarro stopped me in the hallway and asked me when I was graduating. I told Professor Bizarro that I am graduating in December of this year. He then asked what my plans were for after graduation. I told him that I am planning on pursuing graduate school for history and I am applying at MSU and Western Michigan University. He proceeded to then go on a rant about how I won't be able to make it through grad school and that even if I did, no place would hire me because I went to a bad school. He was generous enough to say that I might be able to maybe, just maybe get a job teaching in a community college, but that would be about it. Mind you, I have never had Professor Bizarro as a professor for any of the classes I've taken, I've never worked with him on any committees, projects, or anything else. Never mind all of that though, because Professor Bizarro knows ALLLLLLLLLL. Welcome to PhD attitude.

Combine Professor Bizarro's unprofessional and rude behavior with what I heard about the academic profession from Professor New Guy yesterday and I have determined that almost all PhDs are just whiny, baby-ass, martyrs without an audience. Why, oh why, do most people who have the intellectual ability to accomplish great things end up being some of the most anti-social, disgusting, and pitiful human beings who roam this Earth? Why can't they just realize how fortunate they are? I mean, I have lived my entire life around people in much more desperate situations than these whiny PhDs and yet those people still manage to find some joy and pleasure in life. ARGHHHHHH!!!!

So, since I have mounted the Soapbox for my inaugural back-to-school rant, I want to say to all PhDs out there...QUIT YOUR COMPLAINING AND LEARN HOW TO BE A REAL PERSON! DO NOT ASK ME WHAT I AM GOING TO DO IF YOU JUST WANT TO STOMP ON ME!

And, since I am the bitch tonight, I will tell y'all what I am going to do...I am going to prove all these fucks wrong. Yep, I am going to go to grad school and get that PhD and not be like them and land a fantabulous position at Some Important University and do great work and publish amazing things and when people ask me about my experience at GVSU with certain faculty in the history department, I'll just say that martyrdom breeds contempt and contempt breeds misery and no one should be subject to a contemptuous, miserable martyr.

Thank God in glorious Heaven that I am almost done with GVSU!

So, not too much going on in the life of Nita. I've been working on my research (by the way, I should be reading one of my background info books right now, but I'm tired and my feet hurt...which has nothing to do with reading, go figure). The research is progressing quite wonderfully now. I've found my central focus and since the archives I'm working with is so large and there are so many directions to go in, I have to keep my focus on just a few things and not all over which would make my paper way too broad. I have about a week and a half to finish up the research and write a whopping 30-40 pages on it. Let's just say that Nita is going to be sucking down lots of coffee and smoking lots of cigarettes. I have this horrible habit of smoking a cigarette for each page I write. I hand write all my papers ahead of time because it is easier for me to stay focused when I write things.

Since this is a random news posting, I will jump into another topic without any transitional sentence...My FOM (Friend of Mine) is seriously considering a position in Duluth, Minnesota. I was shocked when he told me about it and very sad in a way. I mean, I want what is best for him and for his career pursuits but, for very selfish reasons, I would like him to stay around here for awhile. He is so much like me personality-wise and I don't have to pretend to be someone else when we are around each other. That is a weird thing about me...I really don't fit in with anyone in every way like I do with FOM. I mean, who else can I bitch to and laugh with and slug coffee with without feeling like they just don't get me? Oh well. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have become very attached to him. If he does decide to move to Minne-freezing-sota then I shall wish him well and miss him horribly.

In other random news, my middle brother is being a total pain in the ass. He is the same brother who is basically racist, who tries to make himself out to be a perfect Christian when he is really a horrendous hypocrit, and who constantly tries to make everyone live up to his own screwed up system of ethics. Very frustrating. Well, Big Brother decided to give our mom hell because she hasn't been around to visit his kids in two weeks. She went over on Monday night and spent two hours at their house but for Big Brother two hours wasn't enough. So he calls Mom this morning and chews on her leg about not spending equal time with grandkids (she has 11 grandkids) and that she favors me too much. Of course my mom favors me! We are very close and I am her only girl so it is natural that she bonds with me more. But, Big Brother has a bad case of sibling rivalry...which is pretty damn bad considering he is 36 and I am 31. He told my mom that I am just using her and as soon as I don't need her I would stop calling her and taking her out for coffee and such. Ohhh yeah, that pissed me off something severe! First of all, my mom volunteered to watch my kids while I was in school...I never asked her. Secondly, I have always spent time every week with my mom since I was 17...coffee or dinners out or shopping or whatever. Thirdly, Big Brother wouldn't be happy if mom did spend more time over at his house visiting because he is the type who loves misery--both his own and others. Big Brother and his wife (the Sister-In-Law from Hades) have one of those cancerous types of relationships---they are malignant when they are around each other and they invade other normal and happy people to cause misery and woe. I am so tempted to call him up and chew on his leg for awhile but I know it wouldn't do any good. He would just play the victim of a random Nita attack and get all defensive and then things would really get out of hand and calls would be made to the other siblings and war camps would be set up and all hell would break loose. So, why bother? Let him stew in his misery and I will just write him off. I really do not have time for ignorant, racists, holier-than-thou, pig-headed, pedantic jerks in my life, regardless if he is my brother. Sigh...big families suck sometimes.

Okay. That's about it. Oh, Darling Husband and I are headed off next weekend for a wonderful kid-free weekend alone. It will be our 12th anniversary and it has been 12 years since we had a kid-free overnight vacation. Hallelujah!!!

Wow, it has been a long time since I posted. Where to start with updating my few readers? Hmmmm, let me think... Classes are done for now. I believe I did okay in my English capstone (final undergrad English literature course). Grades don't come in till next week, but I got a 100% on my midterm and a 96% on my first paper, if that is any indicator on my final grade. My indy study went fine. I was a little lax in my responsibilities for it but I will be fine, I think. Ummm, other than the grades, school has taken a dramatic turn for me. I dropped out of the teacher prep courses at GVSU. Now, before the Amazing Raye, Beck, Jon, and the assorted others freak the hell out, let me explain why.

I dropped the teacher ed program because I am going to apply for graduate schools this December. Yep, Darling Husband has decided to financially support me for another seven years of schooling. He is wonderful. I am going to pursue a PhD in U.S. history with a focus on labor and industrial history, U.S. immigration history, and the 20th century. Since I cannot pack up the family and go to grad school anywhere, I have decided to apply at Michigan State University and Western Michigan University. My preference is MSU, but we will see if I get in and if I get funding. Funding is the most significant right now since I am just a poor undergrad with all those little mouths to feed and feet to shod. Hee hee. But seriously, if I did the teacher ed program at GVSU then I would have one hell of a busy final year at GVSU and it would make getting my two articles finished and published extremely difficult. Not only that but I would like to have one semester to spend with my kids before the hectic pace of grad school starts. I will still get a BA in English with secondary ed emphasis and a BA in history with secondary ed emphasis, but I just wouldn't be certified in Michigan to teach. To tell you the truth, I really didn't want to teach high school anyway. The teacher ed program was just a fallback in case I couldn't cut it in grad school. And, if things do not work out in grad school, I do have the option of coming back to GVSU and taking two courses, my student assisting and student teaching and then receiving my Masters in Ed. So, I will graduate GVSU in December. I have just my History Capstone left and then I am officially done. Wow. In a way it is kinda scary. I will miss GVSU and all the fine people I have met and my friends. Grad school is unchartered territory where I will have to compete with people who are very intelligent and very committed to doing their best. Of course, now that I think about it, pursuing an undergrad degree was unchartered territory for me also. I am the first person in my family and in Darling Husband's family to get a Bachelor's Degree. I'm a little cautious as of now on everything but I am certain I will make it and will get that PhD.

Okay, enough about the pursuit of the PhD. My summer research got bogged down when my classes started demanding more of my attention so for the next two weeks I am in a mad dash to finish my research and write a 25-40 page paper on it all. I am definitely not complaining about the upcoming deadline of September 1st for my draft of the research paper. God, I love deadlines and the craziness that they inspire! Without a deadline I would never get my ass moving on things. Oh, and I am also presenting this research at GVSU's Great Lakes History Conference in October. Very nice, very nice indeed. So, in October I have the scholarship luncheon, a labor conference I am presenting at on the other side of the state, and the Great Lakes History Conference. Myah's birthday is in October also and I have a museum tour to schedule and my monthly special committee meeting and historical movie night to arrange for GVSU's history department. I love it all. I love the pace and the busy-ness of doing so many things.

The progeny is doing very well. Myah is getting ready for high school (yes, please make that scared, apprehensive face for me!). Princess is preparing herself for kidnergarten (see what happens when you have your kids over eight years apart?). The Boy is just his usual self. Actually, he has made friends with the new neighbor boys who live behind us. The one boy is the same age as my boy so they play together quite often. I am relieved that he has other boys to play with since I was getting a little worried about him. He likes to play like he's a girl. Now, I am not gender-biasing but I do know that if he continues to prefer Barbie Dolls over trucks then he will be teased quite badly in school and I want him to fit in since being an outcast is so very difficult. Wow, that was a run-on sentence! Anyhow, he is becoming more boyish and seems to actually have a good time being a boy. Darling Husband is busy with work. He is starting school soon too! Yep, he is going to get an associate's degree in some sort of computer security thing-a-ma-gig. I am still a techno-peasant. He tried to explain it all to me but the words just do not make sense when they include things like "firewall" and "ISP" and "broadband". I just sit there with that blank, stupid look on my face. All I want to know about computers is that if I turn it on, can I actually type on it and get on the intranets?

So, anyhow, I think that is about it. Grad school is on the horizon, kids doing well, almost done at GVSU, husband in his technospeak fun. All is well in Nitaville.