05/17/2006
I Am So Screwed
Holy shitty shit. I am punching away at this damn keyboard in tears. I got my fuckin financial aid report for the fall and winter semesters. I don't know what in the hell I am going to do. The financial aid award I got was a combined total of $1300 for both semesters. As close as I can figure it, the total for my tuition for fall and winter is going to be about $8000. So, in other words, I need to come up with about $6700 on my own. It might as well be six million dollars at this point in time. I really don't know what to do. I mean, if it was 2-3 thousand, I may be able to manage that, but $6700, there is no way I can get ahold of that kind of money in time. I applied for one scholarship, but I am certain it won't be over $1000...if I get it. I can't go to my parents for that kind of money either. My mom is retired and my dad is retiring next year. There is no way they can afford to shell out that kind of cash to help me. Darling's dad is in no position to help either. This is what comes from being part of the working class...no money and bills all over the place. Hell, at this rate, I may as well throw in the fucking towel and call it quits.
You know what really, really fucking stinks? I'm good at school. Not just okay, but damn good. I've finally found what I love (learning) and I can't afford to pursue it. I have three kids to feed, a mortgage to pay, car payments, insurance, a home to heat, and monthly medical bills because of my damn diabetes. I know we could cut a few things out of our spending, but not enough to come up with my tuition money by the time it is due. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! I am so damn angry right now. I hate feeling helpless and I do because of this tuition thing. God, what am I going to do?!
All my life all I wanted to do is be better than what I currently am. I wanted to reach my full potential. I wanted to prove to the world and to myself that some low-class, working-class kind of girl who popped out a kid at seventeen could make it. I wanted to be the one who could talk to young people like I was and tell them that if they work hard enough and really set their mind to it, that they too could have what others do. You know, that so-called American Dream, it is all just myth. There is no American Dream...unless you count the ones who win the state lotteries. I mean, I have worked my ass off for the last six years to get these degrees. I have sacrificed my time from my kids and husband. I have put in long hours in front of computers, with my head stuck in books, taking down meticulous notes, and demanding more from myself than anyone else ever would ask me. I have gained the respect and friendships of several of my professors. I have spoken at a conference on my own work. I have been asked to be part of a special committee because people know that I can get things done. And what did I do all that for? Nothing. To get so close and lose it all because I am not able to pay $6700. That's what my American Dream comes down to, $6700 which I can't get.
20:44 Posted in Boring Life Schtuff | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this
Comments
*hugs* First, take a DEEP breath, then exhale SLOWLY.
Now, are you SURE the tuition will be that high? Each semester of my assisting and student teaching was $3285 in tuition. That would put you at $6,570 total. I know it isn't MUCH better but its a start. Now let's assume the tuition is $3,285 each semester, okay? Subtract the $650 you'll have for each semester and you'll owe $2635. Your books for the first semester during TA will add to the cost (and I honestly don't know how much the cost will be) but I would bet you can find someone with used books. Heck you have to take classroom management right? I'll let you borrow my books if they are the same ones!
At any rate, DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP yet! Seriously, do check into the alternative loans. They are not through Grand Valley, they are private companies that GVSU has recommended. You should be able to find links to them on GVSU's financial aid website. My alternate loan is through Key Alternate Loans. The rate is VERY good and I still got the benefit of a grace period (my first payment isn't due until December). Don't discount ANYTHING at this point. You are almost done and I would hate to see you lose it all just because of this :( It sucks, I know, I've SO been there (twice actually).
Just don't give up. Look into everything. Talk to the financial aid office at GVSU also and ask them for suggestions on places you can go through to get some financial help. Talk to the College of Education--they have scholarships as well. That would at least help bring down the amount you have to pay out of pocket.
Posted by: Raye | 05/18/2006
I ususally suck at finances cuz i had never to work for it in my life, but i do know a few things that can help. Im sure from the way u put it no one can quiet shell the whole amount but like raye says every bit counts and so even if u borrowed 500$ from ur dad its 500 less from the total.
I dunno much bout bank loans and rates but in india they all have student loans from the bank at rather low rates. Maybe you ought to try for one of those.
I would love to have helped you out but I am tragically broke almost all the time and hence the lack of life, but i can pray for you and I hope and pray that you will get it to the ivory towers of acdemia cuz its gonna be mighty lonley without company and I'm banking on you.
Hang in there (as easy as it is to say) and keep at it... you are so close it hurts me to think even u may let it go
lots of love and hugs
g
Posted by: g | 05/21/2006
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