Insomniac's blog

I borrowed these from the Amazing Raye. Yep, these are more TMI on Nita's lovely life...

1. My uncle: is a dork.
2. Never in my life: have I managed to write my name in the snow with pee.
3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile is: not saying...
4. High School was: remarkably similar to what I would imagine hell to be like.
5. My first real love was.... Eric (sigh). What a great guy he was...
6. Romantic movies make me: wish there was a Cary Grant or Clark Gable or Matthew McConaughey out there just for me.
7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: HA! No one...because I would never marry again.
8. I talk to my ex: ummmm, I don't have an ex-husband and all of my ex-boyfriends are probably either still serving time or dead.
9. When I was 5: my mom told the Kidnergarten teacher to spank me if I was naughty in school.
10. Coffee: Oh my goodness! My drug of choice? My reason for rolling out of bed in the morning? It is too wonderful for words.
11. Last Christmas I: watched my kids tear up wrapping paper in five seconds flat.
12. Last trip I made was to: Big Trip? To Florida for spring break.
13. When I turn my head left, I see: Ughhh...my redneck neighbors's ugly Christmas decorations sporadically placed throughout their yard. 
14. When I turn my head right, I see: My fireplace...it needs to be cleaned out.
15. Last time I was kissed: Hmmm, now this is a problem...my son and youngest daughter kissed me when they went to bed tonight, but I am assuming this means one of those passionate, head-over-heels types of kisses. In that case, it was too damn long ago.
16. If I were a character on "Friends" I'd be: sheesh...no one.
17. By this time next year: I'll be finishing up student assisting and my final class at GVSU.
18. I have a hard time understanding: People from Texas. Why do they always mumble at the end of their sentences...makes me think I am going deaf sometimes.
19. You know I "like" you if: If you can get me to laugh, really laugh, and also if you can get me to snort...that I reserve only for the most special of people.
20. If I won an award, the first person (people) I'd thank: Matters for what. An academic award? Probably FOM for his encouragement, Dr. Muscles for his patience, my kids for tolerating me being gone all the time, my mom for stepping in and running my household while I am gone, my husband for his financial support.
21. You know I'm mad when: When I get really calm and speak in a quiet, controlled, and articulate voice. That is when I am trying to keep it all under control.

Okay that is it. Have a good evening...

Well tonight was one of those nights. You know...the kind where you get all dressed up and end up having a very boring time. I went to the English honor society induction ceremony tonight for GVSU. I spent a little bit o' cash and bought myself a really spiffy new wool skirt...black and white tweedish-looking with little red dots in it, very nice. I also bought a black sweater and a pair of really fantabulous black loafer-looking wedge shoes with a wickedly high heel. Yep, I was actually standing at an amazing five foot six inches tonight. Anyhow, I got all gussied up, did the hair nice, put on my makeup just right, and felt pretty damn good. Myah and the Princess gave me the thumbs up and said I looked "real, real good, Ma".

Anyhow, I had to deliver some items to one of the departments on campus before 5PM so I arrived a few minutes to five. Guess who I had the pleasure of talking to? Yep, Professor Sometimes-A-Jerk. I actually didn't mind though since I had to ask a favor of him and he seemed to be in one of his "nice-guy" moods. After I tried to have a conversation with him, which is similar to talking to a deaf and blind dog, I gave up and headed off to my induction ceremony.

The honor society induction ceremony was fairly typical...sit down, drink coffee, munch on nasty tasting cookies, and make small talk with people who really don't care about you. Then a prof got up and gave some schpeel on how impressive we all have been to make it into this honor society, blah-blah, blah, blah... I cut out as soon as I could and went to the language lab to work on my Russian.

Personally, I would have much rather have spent the evening hanging out with my best friend or with FOM or with my mom. I think I need to get out a little more. Too much of my life lately has been school, homework, housework, kids, husband, cooking...way too much of a routine. I really feel like doing something wild and rebellious. Like maybe spending an evening getting a little buzzed and flirting with every guy in a bar, or golfing naked in the rain, or playing quarter-bounce for clothes...hmmm, perhaps I need to have a little fun, but not that much. Oh well...I'll be off of school soon then I am taking my "Running-Away" day.

Tonight was my late night history class at GVSU. I was a bit naughty tonight and played hookie for the first hour of class. There was a Polish festival in honor of Saint Andrew on campus so I went to that. Part of the festival is to tell a variety of fortunes using cups, melted wax, and tarot-types of cards. I decided to have some fun and have my fortune read using all of the above means. The first was the melted wax. They pour the wax over one of your keys into a bowl of water. Then they take the hardened wax and hold it up to a light. Then they "read" the shadow that the wax casts on the wall. Weird, huh? Anyhow, according to my blob of wax, I am supposed to travel and spend a significant time in some foreign city. Hmmm.

The next was a rather simple thing. There were three turned over cups on a table with either a ring (symbolizing marriage), a leaf (symbolizing prosperity), or a cross (symbolizing religion or scholarly pursuits). I got the leaf. I am supposed to be prosperous in the next year...one can only hope that fortune comes true.

The last was the card reading. This was kinda interesting and a bit freaky too. According to the cards I picked and the interpretation the woman told me, there is a darker haired man, the same age as me, who I come into contact with a lot. He has, what she said, a "thing" for me but I don't realize it because I view him as a friend and I don't understand his feelings toward me even though I have some of the same feelings for him. Hmmmm...the intrigue. Anyhow, she also said that if things work out he could be the love of my life. Well, at this point in time I started to wonder if her psychic abilities would tell her that I am married and have been for over eleven years. Hee hee. Anyhow it was an entertaining night. If I can't have the love of my life at least I have prosperity and some traveling to a foreign city to look forward to!

Man, I feel like a total ass after the last post about how my family always celebrates Thanksgiving together and how much we are there for each other. This Thanksgiving at my parents' house consisted of just me and my family, my one brother and his new girlfriend and their baby, and then a friend of her's and her children. My other two brothers who live nearby pulled a bitch. That's right...they boycotted Thanksgiving at my parents'! My oldest brother rarely comes to special family events because he lives in Tennessee and just can not come up all the time, which is understandable. But, the other two are just being asses. I think part of the porblem is because the youngest of my brother's new girlfriend is Mexican...straight from Mexico Mexican. She speaks choppy English and is a very nice woman, but she is Mexican and my other two brothers are a bit prejudiced against bi-racial or bi-ethnic relationships. So, neither of those two have seen their new nephew yet either. Just fucking pisses me off beyond all belief! How dare they get up on their high horses and act all better than her just because they are white. ARGHHHH! If I was bigger I would kick both their asses.

Okay...I think I am calmed down a bit. The other reason why I think they are being ass biscuits is because of their jealousy. You see, my three oldest brothers are actually my half brothers from my mom's first marriage. When my mom married my dad he agreed to raise them as his boys since their father was basically worthless as a parent. Anyhow, my dad did raise them as his own and they all call my dad "Dad". As a matter of fact, my middle brother is the closest with my dad. Anyhow, lately the two who live in Michigan keep saying things like, "Maybe we shouldn't get all together for the holidays" and that "Mom and Dad's house is too small for all of us" and "We would like to have our own holiday too". Granted, Mom and Dad's house is too small but we could rent a hall or have it at my house since my house is much larger, but no, they would rather not go. Ass biscuits. I think they are jealous that the youngest brother and I are Dad's, but how in the hell could we control that?!

I'm just angry that they would boycott Mom's good Thanksgiving dinner because of their jealousy, prejudism, and because of their supposed need to have their own holiday. It is not like we spend all that much time together anyway, so what does it hurt to spend a few hours together every November? Oh well. What am I gonna do? I can't force them to be part of the family when they don't think they want to be. I'll still be there for them though. I can get angry at them but, after all, they are my family even if they don't act like it.

Yep...tomorrow is the big day. I LOVE Thanksgiving, American style. Or, as some would like to say, "The day we celebrate the beginning of the end of Native American culture". Anyhow, all political implications aside, I do love Thanksgiving. Part of it is because I love really good comfort food---turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, baked yams with marshmellows, canned green beans and corn from my dad's massive garden, yeast rolls, pies, you name it and I love it. I plan on eating like I used to when I weighed in at 260 pounds. Uh-huh, just set the trough in front of my spot at the table. Hee hee. Whoops...I better wipe the drool off of the keyboard.

The other reason I love Thanksgiving is the chance to spend time with my family (my large extended family). I have a few people I don't care much for, but for the most part I enjoy meeting up with all of us and remembering all those funny moments we have had. One Thanksgiving was particularly hilarious...so funny that I thought my dad was going to choke to death on his yams. Here's the story...

My parents, at the time, had a little Jack Russell Terrier named Nicki-Roo. Nicki-Roo was an unfixed female so that meant she had to wear a little belt-like thing with a doggie mini-maxi pad on it when she came into heat. Anyhow, we are all sitting around and eating and talking and my brother Kevin comes out of the bathroom with the pad-holder on his face like a mask! It did look like some sort of sleeping mask with a hole in it (where the maxi-pad was to go). Everyone started to crack up and we laughed and laughed at Kevin. It only made it worse when he kept the mask up on his face and asked, "What? What is so funny?" Everyone else knew what that "mask" was but Kevin. Finally I managed to tell him what it was in between laughing fits and he threw it on the floor and ran off into the bathroom where he washed his face. Oh gawd! That is just one example of the absolute riots our family holidays can be.

Plus, we are all getting older now (I'm the youngest and I'm 30) so we are preoccupied with our own busy lives. That's what makes it even more important to spend time together once in awhile. It is important to me to keep those familial bonds because when times get rough, family can always be counted on. My family has been there for each other during the hardest of times...when my second daughter (Madison) died, when my brother and his wife were struggling with her breast cancer, when all hell broke loose during my other brother's divorce, when another brother went to jail, when my mom had foot surgery, when my dad had shoulder surgery...those are the times in which my family has pulled together without condemnation to help in any way possible. I know that no matter what types of challenges are in store for my family, one thing is certain, we will always be there for each other. Certainly there are times in which we don't get along. With all of us there will always be personality clashes but when the time comes when someone needs us we put all of those things in the background. That is why I love Thanksgiving the most...because I can be with the people who have always stuck up for me.

I've been a little off my ticket today. I'm no sure why though. I know I did not drink enough coffee and I ate sporadically and not too well. By the way, since I know you read this on occasion, thanks for lunch FOM. Anyhow, I also had a headache today. That is what happens when one spends about four hours working on Russian language homework. Plus, to add to my head problems, Professor Sometimes-A-Jerk threw me for a bit of a loop. He made some banal comment again about where is my buddy. Ughhh, for betsie's sake, can't that man just quit it? Anyhow, then he wanted me to become what I have termed his "research bitch". Basically he asked me to help him with his research so he can write a stellar article and then take the majority of the credit. Yeah...whatever. Like I am incapable of doing anything besides rifling through stacks of research materials. Ughhh again.

Alright enough about Professor Sometimes-A-Jerk. I was also asked to do a special project for next semester, which I am interested in, but the other people I would have to work with are, ummmm, not my favorite sorts. So, now the question is, do I involve myself with people I don't care much for and have to deal with them for the next three months or do I just occasionally offer advice and help to them and have to see them a lot less? Hmmmm...I'm still thinking on that one.

I really need to finish my current schtuff (research) since I would like to be done with it for awhile and not have it lurking like some ancient Tupperware container in the back of the fridge...with me too afraid to open it up again but yet understanding that the container is still useful. Hmmmm...I'm getting all philosophical again. So anyhow, I would like to start some new schtuff but I know once I start the new schtuff it will be like some big black hole out in space, sucking me in until I wonder how I managed to get there in the first place. Damn, I just realized I am getting philosophical again! Argghhhh. The new schtuff is interesting, well at least to me, and I have discussed it with a few profs and they all think that it is worthwhile to pursue. I want to get going on it but there are a few roadblocks, not the least of which are my kids. They are a little partial to me and I do have a problem with being a bit obsessive/compulsive about my little projects. I will have to pace myself though and that is always difficult since I loose track of time when I am really into something.

Okay...no more boring blah-blah-ing about my schtuff. I've decided to take a day off of everything over Christmas break. I think I will do what my mom always called "Running Away". I'm gonna take myself out to IHOP for breakfast, then a movie, followed by a little window shopping in my downtown, then more coffee, and then meet up with Darling or my best friend for dinner. Just a day to do something frivolous and to spend some time with myself before winter classes start up and the hectic pace of life starts anew.

Damn, philosophical mental meanderings again!

I guess today I am just inspired to share all my personal garbage with the blogworld. Collective sigh all. Anyhow, on the drive home from the great ole GVSU, I began to think about a movie that came out awhile back. I don't recall the name of it but it had Nicole Kidman in it and it was about how all these men could design their own perfect wife. I've never actually seen the movie but I remember the trailers for it and it inspired me to think about designing the perfect man. Okay, no nasty comments from the male readers, but here is my perfect man list...

10. Nice teeth and a bright smile. And, he must smile at me in a "special" way.

9. Dark hair, no blonds or redheads please!

8. Blue eyes...preferrably a grey blue.

7. A fantabulous sense of humor about almost all of life's situations.

6. Has to be taller than me (which isn't too difficult since I am 5 foot 3 inches).

5. Non-pedantic intelligence, particularly in the humanities. I don't want a lawyer or an accountant...blyuck!

4. The ability to tolerate my smoking.

3. A man who can match me cup for cup with coffee.

2. Ambition in life.

1. He must be entertaining, fun, and have the ability to make me laugh on a regular basis. Oh, and he must have a wardrobe consisting of items of clothing other than just jeans, t-shirts, baseball caps, and tennis shoes.

Hmmm, I don't think I have too high of standards.

Okay...this post is inspired by my four year old Princess. Last night we were sitting around the dinner table...yes, I still believe that one of the most important things a family can do is sit at the table, turn off the television and have a meal together...just call me old-fashioned. Anyhow, I don't remember what we were talking about but Princess, in her matter-of-fact-four-year-old-way, told me quite bluntly that I was fat and I have a big butt. I really didn't take any offense to the comment since, if any of you have young children, four-year-olds tend to say things like that not out of meanness, but more because they have a thought that pops into their heads and they just say it. I laughed a bit and said to Princess, "Yes, I am a little plump, but I am a lot smaller than I used to be. And, while my butt is big, it is also round and shapely". She smiled at me and told me that I was beautiful.

I started thinking about what Princess said and I am glad that I am not one of those overly emotional types of women. I have a fair amount of self-confidence and self-esteem...I chalk that up to growing up with four older brothers who could take any slight physical imperfection and make it seem like you belonged in the circus right next to the bearded lady and the two-headed baby cow. Anyhow, Princess's comments on my weight and my big, beautiful butt didn't bother me, especially when I began to think about how far I came to get to this point. Yep, this is one of the Virginia Slim cigarette "you've come a long way baby" moments so please bear with me.

On my 29th birthday (April 2004) I told my oldest daughter that I was going to lose weight because I was so horribly unhealthy. I know that is the date in which I made my commitment because Myah wrote it down in her diary. Anyhow, I started working out a bit and watching what I ate more. My desire to lose weight wasn't because I wanted to be thin or be noticed by men more...instead I wanted to be able to bend over to tie my shoes without feeling lightheaded. I wanted to be able to participate in the weekly family goofy dance night without having to sit down for 20 minutes in between my dancing. I didn't want to die at the at of 52 like my dad's mom and miss out on my kids' lives. I wanted to live a decent life. In April of 2004, I was, and still am 5 foot 3 inches tall, and I weighed approximately 260 pounds. I say approximately because I had thrown out my scale out of anger by then. Like it was the scale's fault I was obesely fat? I wore a women's plus size 3X shirts and a women's plus size 26 pants. My shirts and pants were tight on me but that is the largest size most stores carried so I dealt with it.

Almost three months ago I went to the doctor's office for my diabetic check up. I weighed in then at 210 pounds with my shoes and all my clothes on. Not bad. I am down to a regular misses size 18 pants and I wear a misses size extra large to extra extra large shirt. I'm not done with losing weight either. I can now dance with my kids on goofy dance night without feeling like I'm having a heart attack. I can happily tie my shoes again. I can shop at places I never thought I would be able to. I feel so much better physically and my oldest daughter, my mom and dad, my Darling, and my friends don't tell me not to eat certain things and they are so happy for me. But, most importantly I don't think I will miss those moments in which I felt like an utter and complete failure. You see, when you are that fat, people make horrible assumptions about you. They think you are lazy, which I wasn't. People think you eat pounds of butter and potato chips each day, which I did overeat but not like that. People just treat you badly. I don't know why. Plus, people used to look at Darling and I strangely. Darling is 6 foot 1 inch and has always weighed between 150-160 pounds...needless to say we did look like Jack Sprat and his wife, but I had the feeling people were always thinking, "What is that man doing with such a fat woman?". Now I don't worry about what others are thinking. And I've noticed that people treat me nicer since I have lost weight. What a shame too since my personality hasn't changed with the weight lost. I am still the same ole Nita...just a smaller version.

Alright, enough of my preaching. I guess the moral of the story is not to judge a book by its cover.

Wow, what a weekend thus far. I'm sitting in my nice clean living room trying to escape from the encroaching mess in the rest of the house. I've got a mondo-amount of cleaning to do but I am refusing to do it right now. Every room, minus the nice living room, is a complete disaster...something like a mini-Katrina without the water all over. Why is my usually near-spotless house such a sty? Well, yesterday Darling and I were gone...all peckin' day. Darling's father (Grampie) was watching the progeny and he is cleaning impaired. I came home at about one this morning to find bowls with soggy cereal stacked up on the kitchen counters, toys strewn all over in almost every room of the house, and clothes (both clean and dirty) laying from the family room and trailing to the bedrooms. I can almost trace the path of destruction, starting with the spoiled milk sippy cups under the couch to the bedrooms where the eye of the storm must have hovered. I'm not angry about it though. The mess is part of the deal when Grampie agrees to watch the kids. At least he fed them and took them out to play.

So why were we gone? Darling's friend called and had a load of Christmas trees that needed to be picked up. Oh sorry, I forgot to tell you that Darling is a truckdriver. Yep, a semi-professional. Hee hee hee. Anyhow, so Darling wanted me to ride along with him and I agreed. We originally were only to be gone until late afternoon, but then Darling's friend asked us to stay for another load of Christmas trees. Mind you that the trees were not loaded in the trailer so we had to drop the trailer we had, pick up another empty trailer and then wait for it to be loaded. The loading takes about 3-4 hours. Then we had to drive back to the terminal (another 3 hours). Anyhow, it was a looooonnnnggg day. I didn't do anything but sit and talk with Darling and occasionally get out to walk around in the mud. The mud there was so thick and deep too. You see, the semi-trucks with the trailers attached would have to drive through the woods to the Christmas trees so the driveways were all torn up and muddy. It was kinda fun though. Reminded me of being a kid again...running around in the mud. Darling and I had a good time together. We talked about all kinds of stuff and not all of it was about the kids or work or my schooling. Darling and I enjoyed each other's company and I was reminded what a fantastic man he can be. Of course he's not perfect, but who is? Darling has integrity, is honest, is more sensitive than I am, and has a much more serious outlook on life than I do, but we really have done well with our lives together thus far. Yesterday served as a reminder of what a good man I have.

Okay, enough of my poetical musings on my man and more about the action packed weekend. On Friday my oldest daughter's school had their late-nighter. The late-nighter is a carnival of sorts for older kids. They had karaoke, inflatable obstacle courses, all kinds of junk food, and other random games. I had volunteered to work at the inflatable. What a riot! Those kids were so full of energy and yet they were not in the least bit disrespectful to me. I worked for two hours and not a one of them were rude or otherwise "bad". I wore my cool tennis team t-shirt that says "Myah's Mom" on the back and the guys and girls kept saying "Hi Myah's Mom!". After spending a coupla hours in the middle school I have decided that is the age I want to teach. They have so much energy and enthusiasm and they aren't quite so jaded by life yet. I felt absolutely energized by them even after spending two hours in a gym with them yelling and getting all giggly.

So anyhow, that was my action packed weekend. Today I still have to clean up the mess in the house and do some homework. I swear, "doing homework" is my eternal curse... Ah well, at least I had some fun this weekend.

Today's Friday. I like Fridays because that is my day to catch up on stuff. It is 10:30 in the morning right now and so far today I have managed to:

1. Wash two loads of laundry.

2. Pick up the house.

3. Get Princess and The Boy dressed, fed, and cleaned up.

4. Make all my random phone calls that I have been putting off.

5. Took the dog out.

6. Cut up veggies and meat for beef stew (yes, homemade) and threw it all in the crockpot for dinner.

7. Sort through all the papers stacked up on the desk area in my kitchen.

Whew...

I'm a little reflective today. I had a fairly good week. I went to my Monday night history class...it was pretty good this time. I went to Russian class on Tuesday and Thursday, but I skipped my psych class. Tuesday I had to go in for a blood test and it made me very late for the psych class so that is why I skipped. The blood test was no big deal. Every three months I have to go in to see the Vampire Ladies to have my blood drawn for testing for my diabetes. Fun stuff. Wednesday I went with several other people from GVSU to tour a museum in Big Rapids. It was interesting. Not quite what I was expecting, but nonetheless, worthwhile to see. Oh, and FOM came along. He is a bit of a worrier. The whole drive up to Big Rapids he kept making little comments on my driving. Not that I minded too much since I figured he was joking around, but I think part of it was nervousness that I would crash and kill us all. You see, West Michigan has officially entered winter. It started to sleet/rain/snow on Wednesday morning and the snow part has continued through today. So anyhow, FOM was a little paranoid about the driving conditions. Needless to say we made it back to GVSU safe and sound...well, at least safe. I wouldn't say that FOM and I have ever been mentally sound. Hee hee and mhuahaha.

Thursday was rather uneventful. I drank way too much coffee and had a hell of a time getting to sleep. I did watch ER. Darling was home and watched it with me, but he irritated the betsies out of me because he kept asking questions about the show. I finally told him to be quiet and I would answer the questions during commercials. I get a little obsessive when it comes to ER. Anyhow, so today I have to go out in the mini-blizzard to mail a package at the post office and then I have to pick up some bread and peas (for the beef stew). Other than that, just homework to catch up on. Ahhh, Fridays are always good.